What is Trauma Bonding and How Do You Break It?

If you’ve ever felt deeply attached to someone who also hurts you, it might be more than just a “complicated relationship.” What you’re experiencing could be trauma bonding.

What Is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding is a psychological and emotional attachment that forms between someone and the person who’s harming them. It’s especially common in relationships marked by emotional abuse, manipulation, or narcissistic dynamics. You may find yourself defending your partner, blaming yourself, or craving their approval despite repeated hurt.

Why Does Trauma Bonding Happen?
It usually forms in cycles of abuse: there’s tension, a painful event, followed by apologies or moments of affection. These “highs” after pain can release powerful chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, making the connection feel addictive. Over time, this pattern wires your brain to feel loyalty and even love for someone who is emotionally unsafe.

Signs You Might Be Trauma Bonded:

1) You constantly excuse their behaviour, even if it’s painful

2) You feel like you can’t live without them

3) You keep hoping things will go back to how they “used to be”

4) You feel guilt or shame when thinking about leaving the relationship

How Therapy Can Help Break the Bond
Trauma bonds don’t just form over overnight and it’s certainly not your fault. Therapy can help you understand the emotional cycle you are or were in, reconnect back to your self, build inn safety so that you can emotionally detach, and learn some boundaries that protect.

You Can Feel Free Again
Breaking a trauma bond is one of the most courageous things you can do. You’re not broken, you’re just bonded. And that bond can be untangled with care, support, and time.

If you’re in Burlington or anywhere in Ontario and ready to understand what’s been keeping you stuck, I’d be honoured to support you. You can book a free consult by emailing me at guidingyoutherapy@gmail.com