“Was It Really Emotional Abuse?” 5 Subtle Signs You Might Have Missed
One of the most common things I hear from young women healing from abuse in their past relationships is:“I don’t know if it was really emotional abuse… but something felt off.”
Maybe there was no yelling. No name-calling. No big, obvious betrayal. But you felt anxious all the time. You second-guessed yourself constantly. And deep down, you didn’t feel safe. The truth is that emotional abuse isn’t always loud or visible. Sometimes it shows up in more quiet, subtle ways and leaves you doubting your own experience. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether what you went through counts, this blog post is for you.
1. You were constantly apologizing — even when you didn’t do anything wrong
If you felt like you had to say sorry just to keep the peace all the time, that’s a red flag. When you’re in a relationship where your feelings aren’t welcome, you start to shrink. You apologize for being upset, for asking questions, or for needing reassurance, all things that are completely normal in a safe relationship. In emotionally abusive dynamics, you’re often made to feel “too much” just for having basic human emotions.
2. They said you were overreacting — a lot
Did they constantly say things like:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing”?
That’s not just rudeness, that’s gaslighting, especially if it is a pattern. Over time, these patterns begin to make you stop trusting your reality. You may begin wondering if you really are too emotional… when in reality, you were just being emotionally manipulated.
3. You walked on eggshells around them
If you carefully chose your words, avoided certain topics, or felt like you couldn’t be fully yourself, that’s not love, that’s fear. In healthy relationships, you can disagree or express hard emotions without worrying that the other person will blow up, shut down, or punish you for it.
Walking on eggshells is a survival response. And you deserve better.
4. They only apologized to keep access to you
You might have gotten the occasional “I’m sorry” but was it followed by real change? Or did things just go back to how they were a few days or weeks later? In unhealthy relationships, apologies are often used as tools to pull you back in. It’s not genuine accountability, it’s control. And it creates a confusing cycle of hope and hurt that can be hard to break.
5. You started to lose yourself
This might be the biggest sign of all. You stopped doing things you loved. You stopped reaching out to friends. You stopped feeling like you. Emotional abuse slowly erodes your self-trust and confidence. It makes you doubt your worth and convinces you that no one else would love you the way they “did.”
The moment you start asking, “Who even am I anymore?” — it’s time to listen to that voice inside you.
If You’re Nodding Along… You’re Not Alone
So many women minimize their experience because it wasn’t “that bad” or because “he never hit me.” But emotional abuse is real and it can leave deep wounds, even if they’re not visible from the surface.
At Guiding You Counselling and Psychotherapy, I support young women here in Burlington, Ontario (and virtually across the province) who are navigating the messy, confusing aftermath of toxic relationships.
If you’re healing from emotional abuse, therapy can help you:
Rebuild your sense of self
Understand what really happened
Learn how to set boundaries and trust again
Stop feeling like you’re too much
You don’t have to go through this alone. And you don’t need to have all the answers to start.
Therapy in Burlington, ON for Young Women Healing from Emotional Abuse
📍 In-person therapy in Burlington at a private, modern clinic
💻 Virtual sessions available anywhere in Ontario
💬 $140 per 50-minute session — no HST, receipts provided for insurance reimbursement
Let’s create a space where you don’t have to keep second-guessing your story. Let’s get you back to you.
