Choosing Yourself Without Feeling Selfish
What would it look like to choose yourself? For many people, this question can bring up discomfort.
If you've spent years prioritizing other people's needs, keeping the peace, or making sure everyone around you is okay, putting yourself first can feel unfamiliar, and sometimes even selfish. But choosing yourself doesn't have to mean choosing only yourself.
What Does It Mean to Choose Yourself?
Choosing yourself can look different for everyone.
It might mean:
Saying no when something doesn't feel right
Listening to your own needs
Setting a boundary
Taking time to rest
Speaking honestly about how you feel
Trusting your own perspective
Making space for your wants alongside other people's needs
Making decisions based on your values rather than fear or guilt
Sometimes, choosing yourself is simply pausing long enough to ask:
“What do I actually want?”
Why Can Choosing Yourself Feel So Uncomfortable?
If you've learned to measure your worth, safety, or sense of belonging through other people's approval, prioritizing yourself may bring up guilt or anxiety.
You may know intellectually that you're allowed to have needs, while emotionally it still feels difficult to act on them.
This can be an opportunity to become curious about your patterns.
Instead of asking:
“Why am I like this?”
you might ask:
“Where did I learn that my needs were less important?”
“What am I afraid might happen if I choose myself?”
“What would self-trust look like here?”
These questions can create space for a different relationship with yourself.
Choosing Yourself Can Be an Act of Self-Trust
You don't have to become less caring, less compassionate, or less connected to others. You can learn to include yourself in the equation. Your needs matter. Your boundaries matter. Your voice matters, too.
Psychotherapy can provide a space to explore people-pleasing, boundaries, self-worth, relationship patterns, and the beliefs that may make choosing yourself difficult.
If you're looking for therapy in Burlington or online across Ontario, Guiding You Counselling and Psychotherapy offers individual therapy grounded in curiosity, compassion, and self-understanding.
If you're interested in exploring psychotherapy, please reach out here for a free 20-minute consultation, or email guidingyoutherapy@gmail.com with any questions you may have.
The information shared in this blog is for general educational purposes only. It is not psychotherapy, diagnosis, or individualized mental health advice, and reading this article does not create a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress or are concerned about your immediate safety, in Canada, you can call or text 988 for suicide crisis support. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
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Written by Cierra DoCouto, Registered Psychotherapist, CRPO #17131.
